Mark Zucklesberg Jr. gets air-dropped into their city for one mission and one mission alone: Lay down the kind of pipe Mike Haggar used to clean up an entire city. He may look like the Pythagorean theorem but trust me, this is no sex noob.
Pretty sure this one is a complete setup, but she's definitely been down this road before. The "a guy tried to pay me for sex in Canadian pennies so I punched his cock" is a reaction that can only be experienced - not learned. Ask me how I know.
It's one thing to play the left-handed banjo for your girlfriend's bestest friend. It's another to have said girlfriend keep that best friend hydrated mid-vertical jump. Where's the fuckin donate button? It's time to Bitcoin this legend into retirement.
The Midwest: Some go for affordable street drugs. Others, go to make videos that can fuel an entire season of Dr. Phil. This guy does both. 1st he loads up on Slurm, then he shows his sister-cousin who's the boss of this double-wide. A role model?
Nothing says "committed relationship" quite like turning your girlfriend's slippery octopus into a communal act. Let's just say... there won't be a marriage proposal.
I guess having sex isn't exactly considered "challenging" when someone has the alcohol tolerance of a vienna sausage. Lesson learned: Never try to impress a girl that's probably used the neighbor's cat as toilet paper. #germany #whydidifap
Pic #5 is what you want. Half cause she has masterfully paired an outfit together. Half cause it's the face of a girl who knows the solution to the 3 seashells puzzle.
The biggest downside of following an all-turnip and gluten free water diet? Your soy boy body produces less testosterone than a chipmunk's nutsac. Speaking of nutsacs - take that fucking thing to biology class & leave it there, Foreman. srsly
Adding battle scars to a girl that gave your boyfriend's sausage roll the ole' khlav kalash and getting it on video? Those are the best things you can live vicariously through the Internet & today 2 birds get killed with 1 Russian #metoo movement.
'i porked my mom' porn takes a turn for the acceptable when miss Cinn takes you back to a time when trading Charizard cards for Alf pogs made sense again. I fap.
Don't let the girth-to-length ratios fool you. These girls have zero respect for their reproductive systems and all surrounding upholstery. Such as illustrated by sloot @2:20 going down to the meat bag without as much as a pre-sodomy spit shine.
There's something kinda endearing about a girl that has the pride-to-beauty scale of Romanian hooker. Her talents scream give me 6 months and my asshole will out-perform Mexican cartel footlockers. Clearly we're lookin at wife material here.
Yes, she's 18-years-old... and slightly defective by the look of things. Really not sure what else to say about her. It's just another one of those geeky broads that's taken their obsession with Harry Potter spells a little bit too fucking far to fap.
Only 1 thing compliments the feel of a holiday weekend - And that's getting more rash on your crotch from a guy you salad-tossed in the toilet of a Portuguese farmhouse. Note to those inbreds in the last clip: Just end the bloodline here.
Seems straight-forward to me: Her vageen has the width of printer paper & he's hung like the Houston Rocket's starting lineup. Uncertainty should be expected.
Never underestimate the benefits of a 3-star YELP hotel that recycles toilet paper. You may leave with a more diseased crotch than all 97-years of Madonna's world tours combined... but the stories you'll be able to tell will be legendary. #facts
Increasingly questionable video of a threesome that picked the wrong day to be recorded without sound. Don't worry tho, I'm a pro. And it's my personal opinion that at least two of these participants regularly use Midol and Tampax.
Girls in the midwest: theyre usually as exciting an audio book of Al Gore erotic fan fiction. But throw in an exciting subplot & it becomes TOLERABLE FAPPERINOS.
I've seen a lot of desperation in my day... but damn near 4 fucking hours of mid-production skin flicks trying to pass themselves off as revenge porn? I would say the Internet has officially reached a new low... but buzzfeed.com still exists.
