Tired of jacking off to the same old fantasies of Cardi B in a bath tub full of Velveeta cheese and want the next best thing? How about the bi-product of a 50,000-Karma Reddit account? I'm talking fatal levels of simp neckbearding here.
damn son, check out the dimensions on him. You may have a confusing dream or 2 about being bludgeoned to death by it. Big emphasis on death. The graveyard would be a guarantee if you were to sword fight Captain Black Sparrow over here.
This happens when you swipe-right 6,000 consecutive times in a row. Eventually, a jackpot is hit. It's kinda like Atlantic City but with way less transferable diseases.
Nothing peaks interest quite like alcohol-flavored women and their inability to stay fully clothed. So here's 30 of em. Specific interest should be given to girlie numero 3 who has miraculously made it through the night skidmark-free.
Not only do women work fewer hours than men, they choose different careers. Women are more interested in people, while men are more interested in things. They also take more browns to the Super Bowl than the NFL ever has in 98 years.
What happens when you let a Call of Duty YouTuber run wild with Windows Movie Maker and semi-legal pharmaceuticals? Sometimes a digital masterpiece like this. Other times, a restraining order that would make Joe Biden blush.
I'll save you some time: I don't know who girls #2, 5 or 7 are. But I do know we can thank the combination of Smirnoff and Snapchat to make this video possible.
Certainly no Scarlett Johnanson. But what she lacks in beauty and natural born talent, she makes up for in... well... jack shit. Girl is literally useless. Sitting there acting like she's being forced to watch Amy Schumer do standup at gunpoint.
Overt use of pharmaceuticals, public squabblenecking, 60FPS cameras... this video is more well-rounded than the list of STDS on her Tinder profile. No kicker, but wat it lacks in surprises... it makes up for in the worst dirty talk you'll hear ever.
I've seen this hysteria before. The McRib comes back for 2 days and someone else is trying to sell you bargain beef in the parking lot for half the price. Listen closely Becky: Not now, Not ever. Now where the fuck is my Darkwing Duck happy meal?
It's one thing to assume the position in public places. It's another to require an audience of full-bladder'd bar bros in the mother fucking men's bathroom just to keep your addiction going. Now somebody invite her to a women's march, STAT.
Imagine swallowing enough beef to spiral the vegan community out of control, then proclaim it's not for the money. Here's a free tip: It might be more believable if you say it without the echo your butthole is emitting after doing that scene lol.
Right-swipe of the year takes a stroll down buttblast boulevard in an attempt to expand her reach on social media. Little weak TBH. I've seen assholes getting stretched wider than that in the comments under any given Logan Paul video.
She's not exactly equipped with the poker face of Clint Eastwood. So when the that wasnt a fart reaction washes over her, you know it's authentic. Reminiscent of a reoccurring dream I have involving Lizzo and all 31 flavors of Baskin Robbins
I'm sorry lady, but if you need half of Auto Zone crammed up your smurf box on top of a penis, you may be desensitized. Or from Vietnam. Dilation is important.
This ones starts off as a painal video. But much like me during a theatrical release that stars Nicholas Cage, that only lasts about 18 seconds. From there on it's all pleasure. And by pleasure I mean screaming for olive oil-based lubricants.
You don't have to be a Chad to experience double-fisted AIDS. But when I go STD Akimbo I seek out the discount bin for further savings. Ever get combo-blown by 2 girls with less teeth than a goldfish? Cause you can do it twice at these prices.
