Diana "yes i'll have cheese on that" Dumpington's attempt to cover up the stench of her gas cloud backfires hilariously by pulling off a bank shot Kobe Bryant would be proud of. I'm kinda filled with envy.
It's all shits and dumplings until you give a 67-year-old beet farmer a cyclopean erection. He was invited to look-no-touch - he went bobbing for carp instead. We call it 'sexual assault'. China calls it 'breaking the ice'.
Skip to the end. The part where he goes 4th of July inside the walls of her meat wallet. If the consistency of his brand doesn't scream 'i maintain a steady diet of yogurt, honey & Elmer's glue' I don't know what does.
DOMINO EFFECT: she goes 2fast2furious on her clitoris > sound alerts boss > surprise confrontation almost makes her give birth to a Hershey's special dark bar. Find her HERE where she bills herself as a cool 55lbs.
If only the planet of ham from this classic were here today, we could get his approval. Or h8 since his only documented contact is with Ralph Macchio. Point is: Karate Kid is a good movie and deserves our respect.
JinJang and Co. drop their porkbuns and head to the streets for some good ol' fashioned Shanghai fun: Going berserker barrage on a defenseless girls undergarments. It's like watching Bill Cosby in 1983. Too soon? Too bad.
One time something Japanese-related decides not to censor genitalia... it involves a love doll built for Verne Troyer. But the key phrase today is: LOVE STORY. This has one that would make Twilight shit it's pants in envy.
An eight minute crash course on how to squeeze every shekel out of your favorite vagrant - as illustrated by a guy that barks out more instructions than a fucking ride at 6 Flags. It's priceless information really. Trust me.
S'n some D only has a few rules: Minimal teeth usage and keep the c-rings away from all other jewelry. Not a hard list but this backpage.com alumni decides to test fate anyway, resulting in an epic rage quit. GG NO RE
Everybody is born with a gift. Unfortunately theirs is about as useful as Bruce Jenner's vagina. Sure, they can trace the history of the gluteus maximus via one touch, but will that really help greet us at Walmart?
Not since the time I used Canadian nickles on a stripper named Twin Peaks have I seen such disrespect for fat tits. But unlike my ban from The Bush Co. - these BBW whisperers have zero intent of letting this poor soul go.
Nothing gets clicks quite like scenes of unsuspected sauce tossing. So here's 45 minutes of them. You read that right: FORTY FIVE - as in the number of erections I get during one episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
I like how he keeps his hands above her waist, so as to not make contact with her genitals. Cuz a fingerbang would be over the line, whereas gagging on last week's dodger dog in front of 78 people is just a-oh-fucking-k.
Stripping: aka the quintessential stepping stone to full blown porno. Most trailer park residents cross over ASAP - but chances are they weren't gifted the Carrot Top prop-bag of genitalia. This ones gonna be just fine.
I like how porn has evolved from sex, into a demanding business of who's more willing to use their vagina as a garbage can. Dare penetrate this one's genitalia and you'll be balls deep in sexual fossils of yesteryear. 10/10
1 part mystery, 13 parts WTF. Confusion starts with the Thor-like climax at 2:44. Said goober then begins to flop around like an adderall-deficient retard. WHY? Only his gyno and Shaquille O'Neal's wife have that answer.
FACT: 99.98% of YouTube prank videos are faker than every head of hair behind a Burger King cash register. But this GF bitch puts legitimacy to the final test when she commits testicular revenge not yet documented.
Going mach-17 on your clitoris in order to produce your first non-Harry Potter related climax? Cool. Seizing up like you got tazed in the asshole with a car battery? Not so cool. What in the fuck did I just ejaculate to?
Lacy wants to spice up her P-hub page with a little public action. Problem is... Lacy ain't no basic bitch that flashes her gash at the DMV & calls it a day. What follows made me scratch both balls in bewilderment.
Selena plops a double serving of guacamole right on the dance floor and straight up doesn't give a fuck. EDIT: Upon closer review it looks like she was trying to dunk into the garbage can, but missed a layup instead LOL
