Not every day someones title has me scratching all three nuts in bewilderment. But "Dumb Flashlight with Cow Tits" is a choice. Not even all 32 volumes of Encyclopedia Britannica are any help and my disappointment is immeasurable.
Just the thought of this calcium-loaded miscreant will have your anus hole doing the macarena in excitement. For most of you, it will be the 1st time this part of the human body pull off these moves without intervention from Taco Bell. [more]
The title may be bs, but at least it's not A.I. An unfortunate level of acceptance our dystopian future has waiting for us when it comes to waxin the carrot. Almost as depressing as that spine tattoo acting as a roadmap to her Hersey Kiss faucet.
18 semesters of Namibian dance theory paid, and this is how you return the favor to ur parents, Becky? u r a disgrace to the once great town of Ballbag, Nebraska.
You would think one day in the future a video of your significant other being railroaded in the shallow end of a pool human sized petri dish would return to haunt you. And if u do, u'd be right. She'll never show her face in Walmart again.
Seems nice. The type that'd cook artisanal Beefaroni on the 1st date or volunteer a BJ when ur TikTok gets 20 views. Men want that. They rly do. But not like this.
Rocco going full goblin mode inside the girl that checked him out at Walmart isn't really the focus here. Just what in the retirement home horse shit geriatric AI ads are xhamster running in their prerolls? Seek help if you're the target audience.
OnlyFans: For half the cost of a Burger King combo meal, you too can be subjected to whatever toxicology violations are lurking behind those prematurely aged cheek bones. Enhancing your aroma with menthol Newports is optional.
The amount of women that willingly get front loaded by permit-enforced meat missiles is actually surprising. What can be done in the privacy of your own home with a gas generator and jumper cables, has now been brought to public view.
We're talking first OF video here, not first time breaking the seal on her unmarinated waffle stomped shit biscuit. While it still maintains spry elasticity, I'll bet dollars to donuts it has more miles on it than grandads prized El Camino.
2004: Facebook launches for the first time, Ashlee Simpson jigged her way into irrelevancy and this jovial mother fucker was using his power of aspergers to give second stringers a reason to show up on set. I'm talkin half girth, half Pokemon.
Looks like a one and done because I've never seen another video of her before. Which is a damn crying shame. The consequential leak of her getting samoan bulldozered inside a Del Taco handicap stall would have been worth the wait.
Considering where the bar now sits in Hollywood, she may have very well been in contention for an Oscar or two. The Ink Master rabbit hole said otherwise though.
Today's fix? Unfixable societal damage, the strongest vaginal lining in Arkansas and more teamwork than then Norway FIFA team. The PTA meeting is cancelled.
I understand the need to deep dive western european dirt stars in a 3v1 handicap match. I don't understand why one of them has to be dressed up as Spiderman.
As fate would have it, combining the genetics of a 1st-world pornstar and off-roading can yield impressive results. Now if you'll excuse me I have to watch that new Resident Evil movie trailer and gouge my eyes out with a melon baller.
Not a bad reason to jump the pond and do a little sightseeing. In fact, throw in a bowl of your finest solyanka and I might make a weekend out of it. [more here]
These kinds of facial reactions are normally produced only after learning the art of kung fu fornications such as the testicle thunderstorm or the disgruntled rhinoceros. In other words don't attempt on those with weak immune systems.
If only the avg girl put this much effort into carving out an a-hole that belongs in a museum, maybe I wouldn't be talking to a therapist about my sexual attraction to Reese's peanut butter cups this weekend. E-books will be written about this.
Sorry hungry peasants eternally trapped under the inflation line. It seems all that lab grown meat has been diverted to her upper body. Now if you'll excuse me...
