See? Not every post here has to be about unsuitable bodily penetrations and the Montana residents that love them. Sometimes you gotta slow down and appreciate women that would charge $99.99 to drop ship you their fart jars.
Your significant other gets curious about being on the receiving end of a 1-man firing squad. And before the next round can even be chambered, she's already hypothesizing how to make the end of your life look like an accident. Classic.
If her facial expressions look familiar to you, then you too have felt the sweet kiss of Red Lobster's endless shrimp platter. A feeling taken from us all too soon...
"Squirting on the UBER driver" usually isn't a service you can add through the app. But anyone that's taken the old Taco Bell detour on the way home from a bar knows it becomes negotiable before the trip has been completed. iykyk
Don't be misled by the Victoria's Secret attire and willingness to film. She may resemble that waitress at Denny's you wanted to fuck in dad's El Camino... but trust me - there isn't enough blackmarket dick pills to hammer through this one.
Ya know what... when you're stuck with gynecomastia and the endurance of a Snorlax, scoring a woman of this caliber needs to be celebrated. Congratulations.
George Lopez is juiced to the gills and managed to procure one of Starbuck's finest Coffee Artists™. The result? Only her gynecologist and Jiffy Lube knows.
Walking into a dorm room that permeates the aroma of cocoa butter and D-cell batteries only has one of two outcomes. And both of them involve inoculations.
Quite possibly the most egregious abuse of power to ever grace my 14" Compaq Presario computer monitor. Mind you, this is coming from a man that's sat through all 73 unfiltered minutes of Edward Penishands. My voice matters.
Ya know what. When you're stuck with gynecomastia and the endurance of a diabetic Snorlax, scoring women of this caliber probably needs to be celebrated. Congratulations to all these heroes. MORE: [-1-] [-2-] [-3-] [-4-] [-5-] [-6-] [7]
Staring at wood paneling as her middle-aged leather cheerio permeates the air with the aroma of Newport Menthols and Skittles. That's the life we all strive for.
She surprisingly lacked the standard amount of lip filler that could inflate the tire of a corn harvester, so the authenticity stood a chance. Then Dames Jean enters the room from out of nowhere and took this one from "believable" to "autistic".
Fresh out of an Arby's dumpster dive and new to the OF scene, this Malboro-enhanched trio are Valtex'ing their way to redneck superstardom. The flannel shirt gourmet knows this isn't porn. It's preparation for a monster truck rally.
[this version] might make more sense. Afterwards she became a JAV icon, came back to make whatever the fuck this is you're watching here and now moonlights as some sort of [findom lesbian] In other words; she's literal wife material.
Galaxy Gas Gwendolyn seems to have compromised her last functioning brain cell with some combination of synthetic drugs and pineapple White Claws. Chances of homey swiping right in a coastal city ever again? Absolutely fuckin zero. Probably.
The whole keeping up with the joneses thing should probably be an abandoned concept when it comes to pornographic content. If this behavior keeps up the entire capybera population is gun have to be put on an endangered watch list.
What are the last 3 words you want to hear after getting naked in front of your /fom? If you answered "is that Helmans?"; you're wrong. But points will be added.
She claims this is legit, and it's the first time "meeting" this dude. Okay lady, sure. And the gangrene I got from "introducing" myself to a stripper that considers Canadian pennies a form of payment will just go away with fast orange and water.
A public service announcement on the cons and cons of searching for discounted hookers lurking in Craigslist's general section. If the intimate relationship with $5 scratch off tickets doesn't erect your cock, the aroma of Newport Menthols will.
After making it to the end of this zero budget shit show I'm inclined to believe it should've stayed forgotten. The full version is over an hour long and makes The Blair Witch Project look like it's part of the Scorsese catalog. I do not recommend.
Cute title. It's just that I'd be more inclined to believe it if your speedrun to adult diapers wasn't the 1st thing you decided to share with the world. #thisgirlsaphony
idk where this is, but try it in the US of A and the situation will be immediately amplified a guy 1 Michelob Ultra away from a public rampage. That's a warning. Never underestimate a man with garbage bags full of [this shit] in his basement.
