No seriously. The thumbnail doesn't even come close to doing this epically breasted beaner justice. She has titties like Hulk Hogan has male pattern baldness. TBH I'd suck the Nacho Supreme out of her shithole.
Apparently this is Bailey Jay, the Vita Don Teese of chicks w/ dicks. I'm not so sure. Some will look at this and see a beautiful shemale, all I see is that goofy fuck from Saving Silverman.
She looks fine in the first pic, but if you keep scrolling down... it becomes pretty apparent who her parents are. Mother: Eva Mendez. Father: fucking Gonzo from Sesame Street. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
This is her 3rd anal tattoo. First 2 featured the names of her ex-lovers. Hey lady, men come and go. How about for this 3rd one you get something that won't be changing anytime soon - "stupid pug-faced whore".
Is this really Paris Hilton? No, what you really should be asking is: if Amy Winehouse was to spread open her pussy lips, would it be visually liken to pulling apart the bread of a grilled cheese sandwich?
Holy fuckin inverted shiitake mushroom. There's only 2 things capable of making a man's asshole look like that. One involves Wesley Snipes and a dimly lit room, the other is called Wienerschnitzel. May god have mercy.
There's a very thin line between making love and balls-deep cornholio slaughterage. Where that line lies, I do no know, but I can sure as fuck tell you this greasy Estonian sure as fuck crossed it.
Pleather choker, glow in the dark nail polish, and an occasional bitch slap weaker than the walls of Richard Simmons's rectum. I haven't seen this level of intensity since Leprechaun 4: In Space.
63 minutes of painal. This shit is so faptastic I actually canceled my dinner date @ Del Taco just so I could watch the whole fuckin thing. PROTIP: I cancel Del Taco for no one. THAT'S how good this video is.
Nice tits. Nice body. But what really sold me was the low mileage turd cutter. Take a good look. No wrinkles, no stains. It's nothing more than a mere dot, so cute you'd almost forget Cocoa Puffs come out of there.
This is wrong. More wrong than the time I defecated a weeks worth of BK value meals into the VHS case of Honey, I Shrunk The Kids and slipped it down a Blockbuster drop-box. Actually no, that was hilarious.
This is actually standard Japanese 'i cant satisfy you with my cock, might as well kill you' syndrome. Fortunately revolutionary science has blessed us with Extenze penis pills. Save up your fortune cookies bro.
The girl in video #1 is actually Jenna Jameson. It's pretty refreshing to know that not even the highest paid crackwhore in porn isn't immune from the delights of accidental sodomy. PROTIP: wasn't an accident.
This bitch is the Mother Teresa of blowjobs. I thought I was a pretty charitable bro after donating 3 Red Bulls to the caravan of female vagrants down my street last week. That's diddly squat compared to this Moesha.
Not really, but technically they should. There's 43 grams of protein chillin at the other end of that meat-stick, and she needs the nutrition like Lindsey Lohan needs cancer. So where's the enthusiasm?
There's a 25 second preroll ad. That's kinda gay. But what's not gay is peeing on women while wearing a cowboy hat. So raise your can of Diet Shasta and welcome home the man that invented just that.
How this girl was sexually aroused enough to secrete a glob of Cool Whip is beyond me. The sack of shit fucking her is as big as a Fiat. Fortunately he knows how to dress. Motherfucking camouflage brah.
Hey Christina. Here's a concept for your next big song. It's called "I Used To Be Hot But Now My Face Looks Bloated Like Newt Gingrich's Asshole & I Cant Stop My Vagina From Leaking V8 Splash". Straight from the soul.
Tojo stuck his ching up the wrong chang, and now this poor Asian broad aint gonna shit tofu right for another decade. There goes her budding career as scat girl #8 in the hugely popular "Oops I Defecated On You" series.
