This is standard im having a midlife crisis so I'm gonna Photoshop the shit out of my tits and make an IG account syndrome. Fortunately, the Internet has given us the gift of social media to watch the eventual jump into Walmart parking lot porn.
#nostalgia Just scroll to 1:22 and remember what it was like when the only thing that mattered in life was how low you could get your ping on a 56k modem, and your stock of BAWLS GAMER JUICE. Truly a simpler time for a simpler world.
As fate would have it, combining the genetics of a 1st-world pornstar and modern technology yields impressive results. Now if you'll excuse me I have to take a 7-second jump roping class and gouge my fucking eyes out with a melon baller.
What happens when you combine the Czech Republic with Gordon Ramsay's internship program, and secure funding from George Soros? uhh, I'll let you know after my parents unblock me after accidentally linking them to this video lmao
Tired of jacking off to the same old fantasies of Cardi B in a bath tub full of Velveeta cheese and want the next best thing? How about the bi-product of a 50,000-Karma Reddit account? I'm talking fatal levels of simp neckbearding here.
And by shocked I mean quietly contemplating how far into insanity social media and attention whoring has pushed society. Crazyshit.com makes these Efukt-ish videos regularly and they officially changed my life for the worse. More [HERE]
Today we're going to learn 3 imporant things, so find your trapper keeper and listen closely: #1: Shamelessness is alive and well. #2: Usage of a pretty girl is negotiable. And #3: A guy shaped like GRU has seen more action than me today.
Don't know the movie, don't give a shit either. But I have no doubt this surprise walkout was caused by a combination of: tucked wiener, unkempt rectal regions and chainsmoking the likes of which Alabama trailer parks have yet to experience.
I'm digging the pre-sodimizing acting. That's what porn is missing: A relatable leading actress that's been kicked out of Big Bang Theory's catering truck. Twice.
Call her what you will: Gianna Dior, Divine Box... I prefer the moniker "the reason I have to apply aloe vera to my penis every 3-5 hours". Never before has a pornstar made me proud of the reward points I earned shopping exclusively at Walgreens.
Pretty slick combination of fuckery and remorse going on here. side note: This site makes this kind of compilation video for every update they post (among all their other efukt-inspired edits) and that's not just cool... it's COOL AS ICE
Sociopaths play their Blue-Eyed White Domestic Abuse cards in attack mode. The end result? A record-setting 4 minute tutorial of what not to do when your Tinder match finally says yes to Chicken Nuggets & Chill.
When you're moist enough to be lubed under water, and have more lung capacity than a Navy Seal - you should be recognized for your natural born gifts. Call Emma Stone & tell there's been a recount for that Oscar Award.
I was spaghetti soft until the camera panned 12 inches south. Fucking hell, this chick is 1 injection of anesthesia away from experimental cornhole surgery & she's rippin one out like the lifeboats were deployed. I'm in love?
Don't let the cute face & lack of Valtrex in this video fool you: Even the hot ones make mistakes in the eternal quest for 11 seconds of Instagram fame.
Technique can redeem just about anything - bad hygiene, irregular tits, liking The Big Bang Theory. But HER? She's got skills like a Chinese flutist & all I can think about is pairing her up with up with this genetic jackhammer.
