You can go ahead and brag about your 14 inches of lethal force all you want bruh. If you're not using it to turn all white vaginas into a bowl of Bob Evans Mashed Potatoes, it's about as useful as a hot shower is to this mentally stable female.
Being able to pinpoint the moment a parent's hope dies is about as rare as rare can get. Second only to ordering a Popeye's chicken sandwich without second degree battery, and the mythological 1-wipe after Olive Garden's Tour of Italy.
Infuckincredible. Unfortunately the Cheeto dust left in the comments under her videos must've scared her off from porn for good because this is her only known appearance. Around here we like to refer to that as pretending dignity exists.
Less than 10 seconds of footage, yet so much to unpack here. Why is that guy's arm broken? What zoo animal is the guy in the background jacking off? Where is the health certificate being displayed to the public? Enhance, we must go deeper.
I'm a simple man. I can only imagine the sex life of an active farmersonly.com only has one dynamic to it. And we're fucking looking at it right now. #help
Never underestimate a girl in need of clout. You will leave the situation scratching your crotch like you just left a Persian bachelor party, but the stories are priceless.
What weighs 47lbs and gets demolished by African Americans on a weekly basis? If you answered Popeye's Family Feast meal, you're only getting partial credit.
And by shocked I mean quietly contemplating how far into insanity social media and attention whoring has pushed society. Crazyshit.com makes these Efukt-ish videos regularly and they officially changed my life for the worse. More [HERE]
Turns out using your velvet buzzsaw as a communal carpet cleaner isn't offensive to everybody. Let this be definitive proof that testosterone still exists in the world.
First time squirters, prolapse-induced climaxes and bittersweet hategasms... today's vid has more variety than a fuckin Sizzler salad bar. Best comes last, so I recommend you see this one all the way through
Nevermind the fact that she talks like a slightly upgraded version of Stan's tard sister on Southpark. What I really want to know is what's up with this new trend of bodily fluids being replaced with Nickelodean slime. And I want to know now.
Symptom #293 you need to end the all-turnip and MDMA diet: You develop the sex drive of a cinder block followed by a speech impediment that could end a marriage in Alabama. But rather than seek Dr. Phil's help, you do this instead.
A number of ding dongs not normally found outside of a Twitter holiday party combine powers to set a record for Carter Cruise. But it's not the volume that matters here - it's the permanent brain damage. You'll see what I mean lol...
Her name is "Alisonfire" but I prefer the moniker "reason I have to buy 2-ply toilet paper in bulk". Fun Fact #1: She's famous for making the world wait half a decade for wiener-on-vag action. Fun Fact #2: 173,000 of her Pornhub views are from me.
And that's about 30 more than the average heterosexual male will need to reach peak yogurt arch. If there was a hall of fame for "Reasons I Have to use a Magic Eraser on my Ceiling" this would be on top. Directly underneath this clown show.
