Girls in the midwest: theyre usually as exciting an audio book of Al Gore erotic fan fiction. But throw in an exciting subplot & it becomes TOLERABLE FAPPERINOS.
I've seen a lot of desperation in my day... but damn near 4 fucking hours of mid-production skin flicks trying to pass themselves off as revenge porn? I would say the Internet has officially reached a new low... but buzzfeed.com still exists.
How/Why semi-concious females go on the hunt for ding dongs that can literally rearrange their organs is beyond my knowledge. Clearly Arya Fae's parents didn't raise no bitch. Now... call Shaquille o'Neal and lets finish this snuff film right.
I'm digging the pre-sodimizing acting. That's what porn is missing: A relatable leading actress that's been kicked out of Big Bang Theory's catering truck. Twice.
aye, I'm thinking it might be best if you restrict all incoming traffic to the front of your body. Either that, or stop shopping for clientele at zoo entrances. Another few years of this and even a Jewish butcher won't be discounting that meat pile.
And by gangbang I mean one single sexually inept man losing his virginity, while Oscar De Lahoya's 2 cousins spectate. Only thing missing is a Mariachi band and that one token black guy repeatedly screaming "wurlstar". Cut and reshoot, thx.
Oh it's that girl again. You know... the only female that has danced on the line of fucking the mentally challenged for so long, you've now become attracted to people that shop at Walmart? We truly have nobody but ourselves to blame.
Some women need size to get off. Others, a $12.00 shopping spree at Moe's Tex Mex Grill. Then there's Kenzie Reeves who needs no more than half a mini vienna sausage to send her convulsing back to the baby Gap her wardrobe is from.
Nothing gets the peanut gallery talking quite like simultaneous acts of public indecency - so here's 3 girls doing just that. That's right, three as in the number of times I jack off to each episode of Ally McBeal. #skeletonsneedlovetoo #noh8
Wanna make ur shitty demo reels better? Feature the organic instrumentals only a Greenbay Packers fan can truly appreciate. Thats the way to the Internets heart.
This girl has a clitoral overload immediately following an impromptu canyon yodeling. This is the wwhere I'm supposed to cut the sleeves off my shirt and call her a slut, but I'd rather comfort her while sniffing her butt. It's called romance.
Call her what you will: Gianna Dior, Divine Box... I prefer the moniker "the reason I have to apply aloe vera to my penis every 3-5 hours". Never before has a pornstar made me proud of the reward points I earned shopping exclusively at Walgreens.
