Easily the most deplorable attempt at sexual assault to ever grace my 13" Amiga computer monitor. And that's coming from a man who's seen more than 18 straight minutes of an Adam Sandler movie. My opinion counts.
The more colors in her hair, the crazier the bitch is. A simple concept... and one that's officially reinforced thanks to this 97lb puddle slut farming the fuck out. Put it this way: Just watching her gave me Hep-C. It's that serious.
All but guaranteed to execute any size-queen fantasies u might've accidentally had after an episode of Keeping Up With the Kuntashians. Don't be fooled by that shit eating grin: Your love of vagina dies here and dies now.
Name one thing Pierre 'THE MACHINE' Woodman has not yet encountered at the end of his French baguette? If you said radical spinal surgery with a crisp hint of daddy issues, you're pretty much on the right path.
She's been gifted the oral capacity of a Meghan Trainor fan, yet keeps her chin count to a solid '1'. Perks: a.) balls-deep is standard b.) forgo any and all application approval for anything, ever c.) all the above. PROFILE.
This is XXX_Diamant. A legend in her own right when Romanian girls ruled the cam game. This history lesson shows us what incurable daddy issues look like... except this visual's got wood. Quite literally I'm afraid.
It's that time of year again. When the sounds of regret coming out of all orifices at once still can't drown out some rimjob who considers the accordion a pivotal musical instrument. It's not exactly easy on the liver...
There's nothing more boner-deflating than being within inches of death, save for your dad walking in on you hammering it to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting. How this guy managed to ejac is forever a mystery to me.
If I may be so bold, I'll speak for everyone here: I can forgive the low-grade cellphone quality. I can look past Ned Flander's head blocking half the shot. But giving us .GIF over .MP4? 0/10 you ungenerous, greedy shitbag.
There's a thin line between acceptable Facebook profile photos and wrist-deep rectal slaughter. Where that line exists, I don't know... but judging by the decorative wall piece behind them I can guarantee girlie #1 does.
Everybody is born with a gift. Unfortunately theirs is about as useful as Bruce Jenner's vagina. Sure, they can trace the history of the gluteus maximus via one touch, but will that really help greet us at Walmart?
Stripping: aka the quintessential stepping stone to full blown porno. Most trailer park residents cross over ASAP - but chances are they weren't gifted the Carrot Top prop-bag of genitalia. This ones gonna be just fine.
If you're the type of guy that gets enjoyment out of unsuspecting migrants being surprised by grade-A southern California tit jobs, Elay is the girl for you. Not your style? Feel free to take a gander at this instead.
Ass like Nicki Minaj? Shameless, nude self-promotion on Twitter? The majority of you have already clicked by now, without catching a view of the churro de maricon dangling up front. If you must blame, blame yourself.
When all your knowledge of cinematography comes from Keanu Reeves, this is the result. I may have inadvertently just uncovered a new action genre even Jason Statham would be embarrassed to participate in.
I've never seen a video with Mia Malkova that made me question my erection, even when she's wearing her ass as a hat. But after edging myself through this scene...
Everybody is born with a gift. Clearly his is having the Optimus Prime of genitalia. Watch in utter amazement as nothing more than a single-handed choke hold transforms his Oscar Mayer into a portobello mushroom.
How/Why this female is stimulated enough to have an orgasm is beyond my knowledge. Her sexual partners include a ventriloquist dummy hung like Patrick Ewing and whatever 25,000 Dave n Buster coupons can buy.
I'll bet 30 Pesos & all 3 self-taped VHS copies of House Party 2 that she spent more time teaching her tits to twerk than studying for that GED. A moral decision that will most definitely pay off at the next ICP concert.
