I've seen this configuration before: Cute Whole Foods cashier above the waist, John Deer lawn aerator below it. I'd contact my local feminist chapter for false advertising, but I've already filled my tube sock & it's time for bed.
Fart assaults, bitch slappings, clit sniping - I thought I've seen it all when it comes to Internet prostitution. And once again, I was dead fucking wrong.
Not since the days of blindly acquiring porn ala 5600 baud Limewire have I come across a female with such seminal fortitude. She's got standards brah. Know who doesn't have standards? THIS WIND TUNNEL. #sendhelp
Not since walking into a waffle house at 2 AM have I seen such disrespect for the lower half of a brown female. And just like the riot that ended that night, he has no intent of letting $39 worth of plastic surgery go to waste.
Self-proclaimed Fap Ninja adds another accolade to her resume, in the form of Nicholas Cage's School of Acting graduate. An unfortunately accurate title you'll agree with when you question your purpose in life around 18:00.
Can't imagine how many E.R. vists had to be falsified before she found the sweet spot. I respect the exploration, but the only road this fetish ultimately leads to is Dennis Rodman and strategically placed cream cheese.
A hygiene level commonly found in an Arby's handicap toilet has applied itself to this girl's rectal passage. Not shocking... but Clorox may have found it's new spokeswoman. Another desperate cry for anal bleaching HERE
Amateur porn that looks professional, professional porn that looks amateur, anal opportunists and expert magicians... we've seen it all man. The only thing left to complete this circle is unadulterated misogyny. oh wait...
Meet 22-year-old Serenity. She has a knack for rejecting everything and anything resembling sexual contact during a porn scene. This video is an example of what happens to producers when The Cuntinator gets her way.
Everybody has a gift. His is convincing solid 7's to double up on his bald headed field mouse while simultaneously crossing sexual orientation lines. A beautiful moment before being dropkicked back to the strawberry fields.
Original plan was for Stewart to turn this triple decker into a 4way. Instead, he has an intimate moment with the Shitmaster 2000: Hyper Flush Edition.
Contrary to stereotypes, gOiNg wILd isn't really this ones specialty. She has sex like a confused chihuahua. Calling her back for a sequel is out of the question... but that's all okay when you look like 2003 Scarlett Johansson.
and by 'moment' I mean the 10 seconds it took for an Ecuadorian hooker to say ADIOS to the gangbang contract and make a run for the door. Only thing missing here is a Mariachi band attempting to cover Cyprus Hill songs.
I wont bamboozle you: this trailer park starter kit is pretty uninspiring. But there's something about girl #2 that speaks to me in a she's sucked dick for chicken nuggets kind of way, and I think it should be shared with the world.
Never have I seen a man do something so disrespectful with such grace. Where there's shame, he shows honor. Where there's suffering, he brings comfort. And where there's romance, well... he really doesn't GAF, HAHA.
I'm all for breaking boundaries, but a little caution should be advised. When trying special team plays you saw on the Internet, it's best to practice first. PROOF: The 12 pack of these bastards being Amazon-prime'd to my house.
To my ever growing .07% female viewers: put on your bifocals and pay the fuck attention. This is what u DON'T do before getting married. Stay classy & save the dick-crazed cluster fuck swap parties for college girls and India.
Face of a succubus and she knows her way around a gopher hole. Rarely do I admit this, but this chicky is 1 enema away from a Chipotle burrito bowl on my dime. Unfortunately, my desert rose isn't bloomed enough for her taste.
Before today I was absolutely certain of two critical things: 1: Blondes are inherently on the spectrum for autism. And 2: Cats are born assholes. Looks like my opinions have officially been reinforced. See her live HERE
